just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
