Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so explain again why im purple
no
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
