Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
