I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
