There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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