We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
