I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
