4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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