I murdered the dance floor call the cops
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
