I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
