found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
