SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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