if i can run in heels then i can drive
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
