i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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