Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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