I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
