do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
