I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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