people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
