just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
