I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
