maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
