Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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