i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
