You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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