we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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