Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
