Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
