Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
