Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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