Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
