I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Success! We fucked roommates!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
