she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
