I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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