paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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