Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
tonight lets celebrate not being married
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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