I hate your face
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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