I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
