He had one of those small greek statue penises
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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