The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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