dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
