So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
