I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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