Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
