drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
