I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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