i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
