do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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