Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
