Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
